do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
