Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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