you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
