PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
