it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
