I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
