with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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