Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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