well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She's the barista slut.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
