Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
