carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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