meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
