your room smells of hookers.
And success
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
