My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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