I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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