I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
