allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
no you cant smoke seaweed
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
