im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
