dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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