I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
