i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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