Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
