The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
