i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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