Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
