Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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