More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
