If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
