Im at strip club and am horny
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
