Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
