There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
