She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
