If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
