i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
