First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
