You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Someone shattered a urinal.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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