Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
