I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
