the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
