the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
