Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
