i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
