It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
