I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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