Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
