Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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