Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
