the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she told me i tasted like america
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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