update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
