dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
