Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
