Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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