we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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